just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
