i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
