Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
