your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
