Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
