His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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