i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
