The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
