I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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