i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
