you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
