If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
