Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
