Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
