But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize