this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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