I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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