just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize