how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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