I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
