i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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