K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
