so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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