Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
