And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
