well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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