i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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