soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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