shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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