This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
