If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
