how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
