her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
