I'm jealous of your bromance
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
