I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
