Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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