oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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