508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
