Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
