Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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