Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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