I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
