Will you blow on my dice?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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