just tell him i said nine months
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
