If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
