May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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