Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
