I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
