Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
