I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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