from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
