A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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