If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am naked and annoyed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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