if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
