Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
