she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
