You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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