Sponge bath it is.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
