They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
