he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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