Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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