No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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