Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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