Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
