My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
