she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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