I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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