All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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