sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
