I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
