My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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