Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
