My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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