All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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